Stronger.

This totally reminds me of a fishing outfit – but in that classy fisherman way. I’m sure that’s not an official fashion look, but I’m into it.

I might have told this story once a long time ago, but i’m going to tell it again because memories, okay? Okay.

When I was about 14, my Grandparents owned a little caravan in a holiday park down by the coast. My parents would regularly pack us up and we’d drive down (often under a certain amount of protests), and stay for a weekend, a week, or a couple of weeks at a time. It was cramped inside, but the holiday park itself had loads of amenities – a swimming pool, a club, a bar, a park – and directly across from us was a big ol’ wall and behind that… a gravel beach and the sea.

At least once or twice while we were there, my Dad would take my brothers over the wall to the sea, to fish. I’d be left behind, and i’d usually spend my time putting 50 pences in the dance machine in the club/games area and learning to tap the arrows on time. I was pretty good, but I did want to go fishing sometimes too. I guess it was mostly a boys activity back then.

One day I successfully managed to convince my Dad that I wouldn’t be grossed out putting bait on a hook, that I’d be totally okay with flopping fish and smelly sea, that I wasn’t going to complain i was too cold, or hungry, or bored when he finally took me across the road. We were setting up and the wind was getting stronger, something my Dad was a bit upset about… but we carried on. As he bent over to tie up the fishing line, two twenty pound notes came out of his back pocket. He looked at me in horror. “Don’t just stand there!”

So there I am, watching paper money fly down the beach and I just start running. And I run, and run. I run so far my legs burn, and i can feel each breath pull into the back of my throat like fire – but I know my Dad is waiting and £40 is £40. I’ve already lost one of the notes, it flew too far – but just a little further there’s a wire fence and there’s just the smallest chance that one or both will hitch on that, and I’ll be able to go back to my father a champion.

Needless to say i didn’t. I went back to my Dad with my head hung low and snotting all over the place because I thought I might be in trouble. When I got back to my Dad, he crossed his arms and laughed at me. “I didn’t expect you to run that far!”

The day wasn’t a complete loss. We decided not to carry on fishing because the wind was too strong, but as we were packing up a big tire inflatable flew down the beach and we grabbed that. Probably worth £20!

 

 

Re-reading and re-thinking about that now, I think that says a lot about the kind of person I am. I’m not perfect, I often fail, but if I love you I will run as far as I can to make sure I come home a winner, to make sure YOU are a winner too.

Part of the problem there is that I will also try and make hero’s out of people who don’t deserve the title. That’s not an indication that I have Daddy Issues (I do, but for different reasons! LOL), but more that with time, comes clarity. Dad DIDN’T expect me to run that far, but I did because part of me was always seeking his approval. *shrugs* Therapize me bitches.

Make it a beautiful day, Spoonies. You’re worth it. xoxo

All the things

Body : -Belleza- Freya Full

Head : LeLUTKA Fleur.

Skin : [the Skinnery] Signe

Hair : DOUX – Tainy Hairstyle

Tattoo : *Bolson / Tattoo – Sagmeister

Shorts & Top : OSMIA – Aria.Outfit @ Uber

Hat : OSMIA – Aria.Bucket Hat GIFT @ Uber

Jacket : MIWAS / Mei Belt jacket

Fishnets : MIWAS / High waist Fishnet tights

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<3 Pickle