Today is just a “Shame on you” moment, because I can’t let things go, and I’m like a dog with an effing bone when I have an idea in my head. You know how sometimes you KNOW something is off, but you want so much to believe that it’s not, you fool yourself into believing that everything is peachy? Welp, I’m still figuring out that the amount of energy that takes just isn’t worth my time. I’m noping out of situations so damn fast now, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s anyone out there at all who is just what they say they are and their actions match their sweet, smooth tongue.
I spent 2 years with someone in SL that I thought had a lot of issues. From shit internet, to health problems, to not being able to remember account information. All of these things seemed like perfectly rational things at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the level of coincidence that meant I had to trust in was just ridiculous. Oh, he treated me well… I guess. When he was present, he was basically perfect. But I suppose it’s pretty easy to be perfect when you’re being perfect part-time.
Yesterday I was discussing my relationships with a friend, and I got curious so I basically stalked this flickr I knew he was involved in. Little did I know what I’d find. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m far from perfect – but I am pretty honest about my shit, and 100% prefer to talk through any issues I have with my partner, so that they’re fully aware of where I stand in the relationship and what I’m not getting… what I found out basically justified my entire noping out of this one. For WEEKS this guy had been distant. His internet had sucked more than usual and any time we spent together was very sparse, and I was loosing faith in what I thought at one point was going to go RL. I’d asked to open the relationship up, and he’d agreed – but we also agreed to talk to each other every time we did something that could potentially affect the other, because in my head, that’s what fucks up relationships. It was open, but with complete honesty. After a month or two of opening up the relationship I reconnected with someone who gave me the time and attention I desired (for a hot minute, lol), and ended up letting dude-who-can’t-be-100 go. I know ALL the dates, because I’m a little weirdo and can not only remember MY blog post pictures to confirm them, but because it was around my birthday too, that’s pretty memorable. Anywho. Turns out that this fuckin’ genius was using the account he’d told me he couldn’t access because he’d forgotten the password and I’d deleted it, and running off to take pictures with a pose maker with his cock in her, a week before we actually broke up. On top of this, it was less than 6 days after we’d broken up that it looks like he put a collar on her – how do I know? Because the collar is from the ONLY store I took him to, in order to get mine, because he didn’t know where to buy one from.
I mean, it was a bit weird that a month after we’d been broken up my friend messaged me and let me know she’d seen his original avatar logging in, so I did actually message him about it and he again lied to my face. “Oh I just randomly found some paperwork with my password on. I never lied when we were together and I’m not lying now.”, despite the fact that he couldn’t 1. remember his email to reset his password, or 2. use his bank account because his fucking card details had conveniently been stolen – THIS, THIS is the level of STUPID coincidence I was willing to believe because he was ‘perfect’.
I’m so completely fucking done, I can’t even process all this. Some of you are gonna be saying “Hey, you guys were open, he could do what he wanted.” and yeah, I guess he could. But could he log in an account that he’d told me he couldn’t log into, and then run around with another girl without telling me? Not. At. All.
Anyway. I’m glad I’m not gonna be sitting here wondering if I made an epic mistake breaking up with him anymore. Obviously, although the reason for the breakup was probably shit, the breakup itself had to happen. Who knows how long he’d been on his other avatar fucking around without saying a bastard thing. Who knows how long he’d known this girl before deciding it’d be a good idea to take erotic themed pictures with her, not caring if I should wander across them. Oh sure, you can deny it’s even you – but when I had a massive hand in the creation of your avatar, I’d know you in a sea of a thousand avatars.
Make it a decent day, Spoonies – and don’t let MY shitty experience lead you to mistrust anyone. Not everyone is a complete dickhead, apparently only the people I decide to date, and that’s all on me. xoxo